Days 1 & 2 - Adjusting

I think we both are having a difficult time adjusting. We spoke on the phone yesterday and she wasn't her usual silly happy self. When we talk on the phone or in person, we give each other shit, goof around, be stupid, and laugh laugh laugh. There was none of that yesterday.

I did OK yesterday. I was focused on money, financial aid, Heidi's new job, paperwork, medical insurance, all the loose ends that need to be tied up before classes start. Heidi sounded sad, she hasn't made any friends yet. She put herself out there her first night but everyone seems to be there with a friend or two. Her and her roommate are amicable, but not chummy. I think they just need to be comfortable with each other first. My best roommate was a girl that I could live with but we weren't buddies. We respected each others space, property, feelings, etc... but we didn't hang out. Maybe that is the sort of relationship she will have with her roommate? I still think it's too early to tell.  I know she's frustrated about the money too. We never had money for anything, always struggled with the bills. I wanted Heidi to get to escape from those problems while she was in college. That is not the case. Like always, we started off in the hole AND have NO money for books. Her dad, who never sent her anything, is FINALLY stepping up and contributing to her education and sent her some cash for books, but it will only cover 1/2. We still need to come up with the other 1/2. She's visiting the financial aid office today for an emergency loan that will cover that other 1/2. Heidi still needs items for her room, computer, clothes, and I just don't have it. All the money in her checking account will go towards books. She never complains, but I know it depresses her a little to always be without.

This morning I had a difficult time getting out of bed. I'm not over tired. I just don't have any ambition to come in to work. I don't want to get out of bed, I don't want to take a shower, I don't want to do my laundry, I don't even want to eat. But alas, I went to work today and yes, I did take a shower, but I wait to the last possible minute to do all of that and show up late for work. I have so many challenges here and major projects going on and I can't seem to keep my mind on any of it.

I enjoy playing Mafia Wars, Farmville, and reading blogs and following Tim Roth on Twitter. I need to get back to doing that, and also start reading my Terry Pratchett books again with Vernon. That will put me in a better place than I'm in now and hopefully I'll get my mind focused in other directions and not feel so lonely, depressed and worried. I've also got school. My class started Monday but I was moving Heidi into her dorm so I sent an email to my prof. as to why I missed class. I haven't heard back from her. I hope she's not bitchy.

I just got a call from Heidi, she's walking through campus, in the pouring rain IN HER WHITE HALTER TOP! She said people are staring... well DUH! Like guys aren't going to stare at a hot girl in a white wet halter top.  So funny. I realized I failed to send her an umbrella when I got home Tuesday... Oops! She and I were laughing, it felt good.

The Big Move

It's official! I'm finally a grown-up and living on my own. What will I do with my time? Rather than typing this one out, I'll simply post the numerous videos I took over the last 3 days. I am new at taking video since I've never had a video camera before. I will not be held responsible if you get motion sickness from these... so watch at your own risk! :)

 

Between the last two videos I cried. After filming the final video, I didn't think I was going to be able to stop crying.  It was terrible. My tears were of both happiness and sadness, but I knew that if I didn't leave right away, I never would.  I'm so proud of my girl!

Packing

We are packing her belongings, old, new, borrowed, blue.. wait, that's for something else, anyway... we're packing up all of Heidi's crap. Check out the new trunk. Made that purchase from http://www.trunksusa.com well, it's more of an investment. This should last her through college, her first home, marriage, and maybe her kids will take it to college. Anyway, I'm really happy with it and it will go nicely in her dorm.

I've only cried once today. Gilmore girls is "our show" and Heidi put it in the dvd player as I was getting our breakfast today and the theme song came on and I started to cry. I had to pull it together before I came into the living room. So far, for the remainder of the day I have been pretty good. Mom is here to lend me moral support and her car... we are taking that to Kalamazoo, MI so I'll need to start loading that puppy up tonight. I have a scary feeling that we are going to run out of room. I really hope not.

I plan on recording the process with my new flip camera. I warned Heidi ahead of time and I told her not to be a brat about it. I'm going to film whether she likes it or not. I think she'll be cooperative. I'll be doing this for myself and for Vernon, who will be interested in this process. He'd be here if he could so I thought recording it would be the next best thing.

 I had better get back to work before I get into trouble for slacking off.

First Blog Post Approaching Empty Nest Syndrome

Very soon I will be in the car with my first born headed toward Kalamazoo, MI. I am excited for this day, and I am dreading this day. My best friend, my #1, my first born, my only child, my beautiful baby girl is going to start college. She's grown up so much over the last 2 years. I am so very proud of the way she carries herself with class and integrity.

I've been a single mother for the last 16 years with close to ZERO assistance from her father. We have had a very difficult life with my every day filled with guilt because I can't give her more. Heidi never made me feel guilty; that was my own doing. And now she's going to have a bumpy start at college. I don't even have enough to buy all of her books. I feel terrible, but I am already using the rent/bill and grocery money and there is nothing left.  I plan on calling the Trio group on campus, not sure if they can help me out or have any suggestions.  The financial aid was supposed to cover more, not sure what happened. At least she has work study, and has a job waiting for her when she gets there.

I have been writing a blog about my long distance relationship (ldr) of 11 years.
http://kimberlyandvernon.blogspot.com . The reason Vernon and I have been in an ldr for so long is because we both decided to put our kids first. Once they are grown, we will think about closing the distance. I will write this blog to help me pass the time when I'm missing my daughter. I hope that she will read it, understand my point of view and be kept up to date on how I've been passing my time now that I'm completely on my own.  This will be my first time living on my own. I hope I remember to feed myself. :)