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Monday, November 1, 2010

Starting month #3

Well, it has been a while since I've written in either of my blogs. I felt it was time I got back to doing that again. I have no excuse, just didn't feel like it. So what is different with Heidi being at school? I'll list them:
-I hardly ever watch TV and listen to my stereo instead.
-I eat less. I don't have to have food in the house or make any meals, not that I cooked often while Heidi was here, but it's less often. That can be a problem because now that I don't feel morally and legally responsible to keep my kid fed I put more of the grocery money toward the bills I'm behind on and don't buy groceries. I'll go a couple of days at a time without eating and then I start to feel a bit sick. Not ideal, but at least I got the water bill paid.
-I sleep with the hall light on and booby trap both doors. I feel uneasy living alone. Not sure why I'm such a freak.
-I sleep less. Some nights I'm up until 2am and that is on a work night. I don't function well on lack of sleep and when Heidi isn't here to tell me to go to bed I just stay up because I'm a grown up dammit!
-I don't wear my CPAP mask every night when I should. No one hears me snoring. Not good! I don't get the usual "MOM! PUT YOUR MASK ON!.... MOM!!!"
-I'm saving 1/3 on the electric bill. Woo Hoo!
-The house stays cleaner. Picking up the living room isn't a big deal but my socks tend to pile up quite fast.
-There isn't as much laundry to do. I'm not washing clean clothes or clothes that have been worn once.
-I get to Skype with Vernon every Sunday.
-I have nothing to do on the weekends. I usually hung out with Heidi watching DVD's all day, going to the movies, going shopping or just spending time together.
-I'm late for work all the time. I don't have to take Heidi to school so why get up early? UGH!
-I have no one to talk to about my day, when it's good or bad.
-I cry alot.
-I carved a pumpkin to keep busy. I come home and do nothing and it's depressing so I have to think of stuff to keep me busy. That was one of them.
-I had my photo taken at work and I had no one to help me with my hair or makeup. I hate makeup!
-I miss the bickering, the laughing till we cry and the talks. Mostly the laughing till we cry, and it's usually at my expense!
-I am going to school, taking one class at a time. It's working out great. I started a year ago. I'm on my third class. She was a big help to me on the Algebra front when I had to take my business math course.
-I joined a club at school and I'm thinking about joining bible study at church. Things I never would have done because of Heidi's busy schedule. I'm meeting some really great people.

-Other than Vernon, she is the only person I look forward to talking to every day. I love hearing her voice and knowing that she's thinking of me too.

2 comments:

  1. Oh dear,
    If only we could hang out more!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. its a very tough time of yours, I hope soon you will get adapt to Heidi's absence...take care and stay strong hun...hugzzz!!!

    ReplyDelete