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Heidi's Playlist


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Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Jerk Ass Arrogant Inconsiderate Mindless Frat-boy Low-life Buttfaced Miscrient!
This is a link. Click on me for a wonderful surprise!

I miss you Heidi!

I'm Going To Have a Ba.......

Yeah, that's how far I got and she thought I was going to tell her that I was going to have a BABY! YIKES! Not exactly sure how that would happen since my Sweetheart is over 3,500 miles away and I haven't seen him since January. My goodness. What I ended up telling her was that I'm going to have a BAKING party. I've never done that before. I've gone to them at my friends' homes, but never hosted one. My girlfriend Heather is a wonderful cook and baker but has such a tiny kitchen now and my kitchen is huge and I don't really bake or cook, so I thought why not have a baking party!





We made all sorts of cookies. Snickerdoodles, oatmeal choc. chip, peanut butter balls, Cathedral Cookies, candy cane sugar cookies with peppermint frosting, frosted cutouts, Puppy Chow, and there were also lots of munchies like Chex mix, veggies and dip and cheese, sausage and crackers. Yum! Heather made Sloppy Joes which was great and kept us energized for the cookie making that we were doing. Heather's girls were singing the funniest song... I had never heard of it. It was by the Giggles and the lyrics went like this. "I've got the clap and I'm giving it to you, I've got the clap and I'm giving it to you, I've got the clap and I'm giving it to you, who wants the clap? I do! I do!" All night long we sang that song. Was so much fun!  

On Thanksgiving I spent the day alone. Had been alone in the house since Wednesday. I was a bit sad and depressed and I wanted to be left alone. Thanksgiving rolled around and I made myself a wonderful dinner of turkey breast, mashed potatoes, corn, rolls, and lemon fruit pie for dessert. Also, thinking about baking on Saturday was keeping my spirits up. I was really looking forward to it. Spending the day with friends, I have not had a party in this house yet, and I've lived here for a little over a year. It's about time I think. I really had a great time, and I hope to do something like that again soon. 
Maybe New Years? Heidi will be here... hmmmmm, something to think about!  

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Jammin' Out To Awesome Tuneage (insert Heidi's eyeroll here)

Music has always been an important part of my life. When I was a kid I would sometimes spend an entire day listening to Rick Dees weekly top 40 and record every song on my boombox cassette player. I would edit out the commercials so I would hit play and stop over and over again as the songs began and ended. I always had a walkman with me. Songs can bring me back to certain places: When I hear anything from Prince's "Lovesexy" album I think of a trip to Chicago with my high school Spanish club. When I hear Air Supply I think of my trip to Mexico my Sr. year. When I hear Sinead O'Connor I think of hanging out in the common room of my dorm at UW Madison. And when I hear Whitesnake I'm in the car cruising up and down Watertown's Main Street with my friend Ann. Sometimes music causes me to think of certain people: Jennifer Warrens reminds me of mom. I remember waking up on the weekend to her music blaring from the living room. I hear Hart and I think of my High School friend Gina, and friends still today. Red Hot Chilli Peppers remind me of my crazy college friend Nina, and I'm so thankful that we found each other again on Facebook. The Beastie Boys and LL Cool J bring thoughts of my brother to mind, and Wind Beneath My Wings by Bette Midler make me think of my little sister. Finally, there are several songs cause me to think of Vernon; and just a handful of them are on our LDR blog, (Sexy Chicken Was Here) which is linked to this one. 

The songs I have picked for Heidi's Playlist were specially chosen. There are more that I wish could be on here but they were not available with the program that I used. Also, I hate that my international friends and visitors are not able to access the music. As I become more familiar with blogging, I hope to find better ways to customize them to how I want. Those of you that do have access to the Awesome Tunage on this blog, some songs will cause you to smile, and some will cause you to say "WTF?!?!" Well, that's ok because I know when Heidi listens to them, some will make her laugh, some will make her smile and some will make her say, "WTF?!?!" Because that is what we do to each other. She'll understand where my brain was when I picked each song, because she knows me better than anyone. Before she left for college she got me a "goodbye" gift of 2 record albums in MINT condition. Billy Idol 'Rebel Yell' and the Flashdance Soundtrack. When she went to New York she brought home a Dwight Schrute bobblehead doll. (Totally random unrelated statement) I have the coolest most awesomest daughter ever. We have our music and I know I've passed that passion on to her as she has impeccable taste (except for her recent interest in country music for which I will have to check her into a mental health facility and submit her to shock therapy) but I think I understand where that interest is coming from.

I can't wait to hear what she thinks of my music selection. I'm sure she'll ask me where certain songs are that I may have forgotten. But on a final note, she and I will forever laugh inappropriately in Church and other religious Christmas events whenever 'O Holy Night' is played or sung. Darn that Eric Cartman!

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Do You Think Harry Potter Likes Green Bean Casserole?


I'm sad. I'm so very sad. I  had made plans to drive down to Kalamazoo to visit my sweet girl  for Thanksgiving and because of unforeseen circumstances I have no money for gas or hotel. I had to call Heidi to break the news and it was such a horrible feeling. I could tell I made her cry, she tried to hide it but I could hear her. She understood, like she always does, but it's still so very disappointing. I am thankful however that she still has family down there. She will be able to spend Thanksgiving with my sister and her family. She lives fairly close to Heidi. With the holidays coming up so soon there are a lot of commercials. The one that bothers me the most is the one for Campbells Green Bean Casserole. I cried the last time I saw one. She just loves green bean casserole. I was going to make it and surprise her; but now it will have to wait until Christmas. Not only does she love green bean casserole, she loves the way I make it. I normally don't get compliments from her on food that I prepare, but she goes on and on over my green bean casserole.


At this very moment my daughter is having the time of her life. What is she doing you ask? She is watching Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. She went with her suitemate and family. I guess some other friends are meeting them there too. Every time there is a new Harry Potter movie, Heidi would go to opening night in her home made t-shirt with all her girlfriends and they would wait in line at the theater for hours. Heidi would then insist on taking me a week or two later. At first she had to drag me kicking and screaming, but I have to admit, the movies are entertaining and the stories are creative. I still refuse to read the books, which is the same for the Twilight Series.

I'd have to say, even though we don't get to spend Thanksgiving together or see Harry Potter together, she is still my #1 and I think it has sunk in with me that I am hers. She is thoughtful and amazing and she loves me. She called me tonight before she left for her movie. She calls me nearly every day and I just love talking to her. But her calling me tonight before her movie just meant so much. She could have called anyone else. I miss her.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Starting month #3

Well, it has been a while since I've written in either of my blogs. I felt it was time I got back to doing that again. I have no excuse, just didn't feel like it. So what is different with Heidi being at school? I'll list them:
-I hardly ever watch TV and listen to my stereo instead.
-I eat less. I don't have to have food in the house or make any meals, not that I cooked often while Heidi was here, but it's less often. That can be a problem because now that I don't feel morally and legally responsible to keep my kid fed I put more of the grocery money toward the bills I'm behind on and don't buy groceries. I'll go a couple of days at a time without eating and then I start to feel a bit sick. Not ideal, but at least I got the water bill paid.
-I sleep with the hall light on and booby trap both doors. I feel uneasy living alone. Not sure why I'm such a freak.
-I sleep less. Some nights I'm up until 2am and that is on a work night. I don't function well on lack of sleep and when Heidi isn't here to tell me to go to bed I just stay up because I'm a grown up dammit!
-I don't wear my CPAP mask every night when I should. No one hears me snoring. Not good! I don't get the usual "MOM! PUT YOUR MASK ON!.... MOM!!!"
-I'm saving 1/3 on the electric bill. Woo Hoo!
-The house stays cleaner. Picking up the living room isn't a big deal but my socks tend to pile up quite fast.
-There isn't as much laundry to do. I'm not washing clean clothes or clothes that have been worn once.
-I get to Skype with Vernon every Sunday.
-I have nothing to do on the weekends. I usually hung out with Heidi watching DVD's all day, going to the movies, going shopping or just spending time together.
-I'm late for work all the time. I don't have to take Heidi to school so why get up early? UGH!
-I have no one to talk to about my day, when it's good or bad.
-I cry alot.
-I carved a pumpkin to keep busy. I come home and do nothing and it's depressing so I have to think of stuff to keep me busy. That was one of them.
-I had my photo taken at work and I had no one to help me with my hair or makeup. I hate makeup!
-I miss the bickering, the laughing till we cry and the talks. Mostly the laughing till we cry, and it's usually at my expense!
-I am going to school, taking one class at a time. It's working out great. I started a year ago. I'm on my third class. She was a big help to me on the Algebra front when I had to take my business math course.
-I joined a club at school and I'm thinking about joining bible study at church. Things I never would have done because of Heidi's busy schedule. I'm meeting some really great people.

-Other than Vernon, she is the only person I look forward to talking to every day. I love hearing her voice and knowing that she's thinking of me too.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Days 1 & 2 - Adjusting

I think we both are having a difficult time adjusting. We spoke on the phone yesterday and she wasn't her usual silly happy self. When we talk on the phone or in person, we give each other shit, goof around, be stupid, and laugh laugh laugh. There was none of that yesterday.

I did OK yesterday. I was focused on money, financial aid, Heidi's new job, paperwork, medical insurance, all the loose ends that need to be tied up before classes start. Heidi sounded sad, she hasn't made any friends yet. She put herself out there her first night but everyone seems to be there with a friend or two. Her and her roommate are amicable, but not chummy. I think they just need to be comfortable with each other first. My best roommate was a girl that I could live with but we weren't buddies. We respected each others space, property, feelings, etc... but we didn't hang out. Maybe that is the sort of relationship she will have with her roommate? I still think it's too early to tell.  I know she's frustrated about the money too. We never had money for anything, always struggled with the bills. I wanted Heidi to get to escape from those problems while she was in college. That is not the case. Like always, we started off in the hole AND have NO money for books. Her dad, who never sent her anything, is FINALLY stepping up and contributing to her education and sent her some cash for books, but it will only cover 1/2. We still need to come up with the other 1/2. She's visiting the financial aid office today for an emergency loan that will cover that other 1/2. Heidi still needs items for her room, computer, clothes, and I just don't have it. All the money in her checking account will go towards books. She never complains, but I know it depresses her a little to always be without.

This morning I had a difficult time getting out of bed. I'm not over tired. I just don't have any ambition to come in to work. I don't want to get out of bed, I don't want to take a shower, I don't want to do my laundry, I don't even want to eat. But alas, I went to work today and yes, I did take a shower, but I wait to the last possible minute to do all of that and show up late for work. I have so many challenges here and major projects going on and I can't seem to keep my mind on any of it.

I enjoy playing Mafia Wars, Farmville, and reading blogs and following Tim Roth on Twitter. I need to get back to doing that, and also start reading my Terry Pratchett books again with Vernon. That will put me in a better place than I'm in now and hopefully I'll get my mind focused in other directions and not feel so lonely, depressed and worried. I've also got school. My class started Monday but I was moving Heidi into her dorm so I sent an email to my prof. as to why I missed class. I haven't heard back from her. I hope she's not bitchy.

I just got a call from Heidi, she's walking through campus, in the pouring rain IN HER WHITE HALTER TOP! She said people are staring... well DUH! Like guys aren't going to stare at a hot girl in a white wet halter top.  So funny. I realized I failed to send her an umbrella when I got home Tuesday... Oops! She and I were laughing, it felt good.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

The Big Move

It's official! I'm finally a grown-up and living on my own. What will I do with my time? Rather than typing this one out, I'll simply post the numerous videos I took over the last 3 days. I am new at taking video since I've never had a video camera before. I will not be held responsible if you get motion sickness from these... so watch at your own risk! :)


 


Between the last two videos I cried. After filming the final video, I didn't think I was going to be able to stop crying.  It was terrible. My tears were of both happiness and sadness, but I knew that if I didn't leave right away, I never would.  I'm so proud of my girl!

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Packing

We are packing her belongings, old, new, borrowed, blue.. wait, that's for something else, anyway... we're packing up all of Heidi's crap. Check out the new trunk. Made that purchase from http://www.trunksusa.com well, it's more of an investment. This should last her through college, her first home, marriage, and maybe her kids will take it to college. Anyway, I'm really happy with it and it will go nicely in her dorm.

I've only cried once today. Gilmore girls is "our show" and Heidi put it in the dvd player as I was getting our breakfast today and the theme song came on and I started to cry. I had to pull it together before I came into the living room. So far, for the remainder of the day I have been pretty good. Mom is here to lend me moral support and her car... we are taking that to Kalamazoo, MI so I'll need to start loading that puppy up tonight. I have a scary feeling that we are going to run out of room. I really hope not.

I plan on recording the process with my new flip camera. I warned Heidi ahead of time and I told her not to be a brat about it. I'm going to film whether she likes it or not. I think she'll be cooperative. I'll be doing this for myself and for Vernon, who will be interested in this process. He'd be here if he could so I thought recording it would be the next best thing.

 I had better get back to work before I get into trouble for slacking off.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

First Blog Post Approaching Empty Nest Syndrome

Very soon I will be in the car with my first born headed toward Kalamazoo, MI. I am excited for this day, and I am dreading this day. My best friend, my #1, my first born, my only child, my beautiful baby girl is going to start college. She's grown up so much over the last 2 years. I am so very proud of the way she carries herself with class and integrity.

I've been a single mother for the last 16 years with close to ZERO assistance from her father. We have had a very difficult life with my every day filled with guilt because I can't give her more. Heidi never made me feel guilty; that was my own doing. And now she's going to have a bumpy start at college. I don't even have enough to buy all of her books. I feel terrible, but I am already using the rent/bill and grocery money and there is nothing left.  I plan on calling the Trio group on campus, not sure if they can help me out or have any suggestions.  The financial aid was supposed to cover more, not sure what happened. At least she has work study, and has a job waiting for her when she gets there.

I have been writing a blog about my long distance relationship (ldr) of 11 years.
http://kimberlyandvernon.blogspot.com . The reason Vernon and I have been in an ldr for so long is because we both decided to put our kids first. Once they are grown, we will think about closing the distance. I will write this blog to help me pass the time when I'm missing my daughter. I hope that she will read it, understand my point of view and be kept up to date on how I've been passing my time now that I'm completely on my own.  This will be my first time living on my own. I hope I remember to feed myself. :)